I had spent every day for the past 9 months wondering what this baby would look like. What would be his name. What will his demeanor be. Will he ever sleep through the night? Will he have tons of poopy diapers? What about breast feeding, or will I need to bottle feed? Will he want to be held, or will he hate to cuddle? Will his crying annoy me? Am I patient enough to be a mother? Can I teach him everything he needs to know? ...Not sure if it's a 'woman thing', an 'Allen girl thing', or just a 'Kim thing'. But leave it to me to over-analyze and be my own worst critic.
I now have answers to most of the questions above, but there are still many questions unanswered.
I can tell you that I have the most amazing child in the world. He has been sleeping through the night since 5wks old. He doesn't cry unless he is hungry or tired. He smiles and giggles all day, every day. He hardly ever has blowouts, and he eats like a champ. It doesn't get much better than that for a baby. And I know it's truly because Heavenly Father knew that I wouldn't have any more if Carson wasn't so great. Even though I have the 'model child' ...I still have rough days. Call it a character flaw, call it whatever. But I still have days that I struggle. I still have days that I think "one day I won't have spit up on every pair of clothes I wear." "One day I can actually get dressed and ready for the day without changing my outfit four times". "One day, I won't have to baby proof my house, or spend all day holding a bottle feeding my child."
Yes, it is true...one day, I won't have to do any of those things. One day I can actually go on a date with Bud and not worry about my child the entire time. But that day isn't going to come for a very long time. Especially since Carson is just our first child, and hopefully not an only child.
One day I will not have children at home. One day I will not have my baby fall asleep in my arms, or give me kisses and loves. One day He will not need to rely on me for everything. And when I truly think about that "One day"...I don't want it to come. I'm grateful that I have years ahead of me filled with little ones that will need me.
It is so easy to get caught up with everything we're not, and everything we don't have. I need to take time to smell the flowers. Appreciate all I do have. I have the most considerate, wonderful husband. He makes me a better person, and loves me more sincerely and honestly than I ever thought possible. I have the sweetest, most happy baby in the world. I have the opportunity to stay at home with Carson, and to watch him grow.
"Enjoy the little things in life, for one day you will look back and realize they were the big things". So here's to enduring the spit up, the long nights, the dateless weekends, and the crying. Here's to enjoying today so that "one day" I can look back and say that I enjoyed every day.
